Welcome to the first 'Ask Us Anything', where we'll be dishing out advice on anything and everything. Whether you just want an objective opinion over a life choice you've made, or to turn to someone anonymously to ask those hard hitting questions, that is what we're here for!
Send in your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, and go crazy. When we say anything, we mean anything. As trivial as "should I get a fringe?" or as monumental as "should I marry the guy I'm dating?", we're here to help, or at the very least make you giggle.
This weeks question is all about keeping that spark alive....
I would love some anonymous advice from you please! Okay so, I've recently moved in with my partner, can you give me any advice on how to keep the excitement in our relationship? We have a great relationship but now we're living together I'm worried the spark will fade.
Hello lovely first 'Ask Us Anything' writer,
Kudos for being brave and emailing us! The question you've asked is so so common, and completely normal. Taking that next step in a relationship, like moving in together, is always daunting but exciting. You can often get caught up in the whirlwind of admin and stress, which takes away from the quality time you spend together as a couple.
If you're used to staying at one another's places a couple of times a week it isn't that hard to keep the spark going, because it doesn't feel like a routine. However, once you move in together things like cooking dinner and having sex, which use to be fun activities, can often be routinised and thus feel like a chore. So the biggest advice I can give is to break the cycle before it even begins. Don't get caught in a rut, the fact your preempting this as a problem means there's still time to fix it.
There are many easy ways to keep that mysterious, but very important spark ignited. For example, rather than having a weekly 'date night' have a weekly 'first date'. Both put in that extra effort, like it was a first date and dress up to the nines. Then go somewhere for dinner, or another activity (theatre) that neither of you have been to before.
Obviously, you guys are in a long term relationship so pretending to be on an actual first date would be a little weird, I'm not suggesting role play here, just effort. Each week, when your 'first date, date night' comes around your main task is to find something out about your partner that you didn't know before. However small and insignificant, like what their favourite childhood book was, as this will add that jovial giddyness we get from the honeymoon stage of getting to know someone.
Another big tip for keeping that spark alive now that you're living together is to keep your independence. Don't crowd each other, don't spend every second of your free time together. Why? Because you'll end up resenting the time you spend together and it will start feeling like a job. Have at least one 'girls night' a week where you have a proper natter with your friends (he should do the same) so that you don't get too dependent on one another for socialsing.
Now, although you didn't say it explicitly, I'm guessing by 'excitement' you meant sex. Here's the thing, you and your partner have to make sure sex is a priority and that you're not 'compartmentalising' it. For example, although you both really want to watch the next episode of GoT, if it's been a week since you had sex then that is the priority, not your latest box set obsession. Plus, why not save the episodes up for a proper lazy Sunday binge? That'll mean you have more time for coitus during the week!
Good luck with this new, exciting adventure, I'm sure it'll all work out!
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