Mooning Garden Gnome
You're probably familiar with the popular folk tale "The Princess & The Gnome." You're not?! Well, since there's no time to tell it, we'll give you an idea -- The story involves a princess, an evil witch, and a spell that can't be broken until the princess sees a full moon at the crack of dawn. Whether you grew up with that story or not, you'll find The Mooning Garden Gnome a delightful object. Mischievous little Gnomes have become commonplace throughout the American landscape. This guy has decided to stand out from the crowd with an age-old gesture of defiance and rebellion. He means no disrespect, he's merely... oh, maybe he does mean disrespect. What the heck do we know? The Mooning Garden Gnome stands (or is it "squats"?) a diminuitive 6 inches tall and 8 inches long. He's made of colorful hard rubber, which strikes us as very durable. Though we have no garden at Stupid Headquarters, we've positioned the Mooning Garden Gnome so he greets everyone who walks through the door. At first, they're offended. But they grow to love him once they get to gnome! (get it... "gnome" -- "know him" oh forget it)
Sarah Palin Toilet Paper
Wipe your precious parts with a Palin! This new and highly detailed Toilet Paper features signature phrases and the glorious portrait of Sarah Palin. Guests will go wild knowing they shall be greeted by Mrs. Palin everytime they enter your restroom. She makes any bathroom a high profile establishment and you don't even need beer or rifles. She is truly suited for the job and your rear end will thank her greatly. Get a load of her different phrases on each piece of toilet paper like "You betcha" and "Doggonit... say it ain't so, Joe!"
Sizzling Bacon Kitchen Towel
"One time, a customer ""complained"" about a perceived overabundance of bacon products on ThinkGeek. ""Why so bacon?"" he asked. Why? Because WE LOVE IT. And it's clear that the majority of you love it, too. We'll continue being bacon until there's a new bacon, which we think is highly unlikely given the perfection of the current bacon. Introducing a ThinkGeek exclusive, the Sizzling Bacon Tea Towel! Got greasy hands? Wipe them off on bacon. After all, if pigs are the cleanest animals, then bacon is the cleanest meat. Right? Right. (Don't overthink it.) Guaranteed to make your hands dry, not greasy, the Sizzling Bacon Dish Towel will make you smile every time you have to do the dishes. Product Specifications Clean your hands with the cleanest of meats Materials: 100% polyester Yes, it's machine washable! Dimensions: approx. 37.40"" x 9.84"""
"Like a ninja, wasabi sneaks up on you. With ninjas, one moment you are partying down and the next moment you are dead in fifteen different ways. With wasabi, one moment you're innocently enjoying some nigiri, the next moment you're squinting, wincing and reaching for the sake. And then next, next moment you are wincing even more as you realize your ""good friends"" put wasabi in your sake too. Stupid friends. But there is a safer way to enjoy wasabi - these new Wasabi Gumballs! With these Wasabi Gumballs you don't have to go out for sushi to experience that intense explosion of pleasure/pain. Each tin contains twenty-two wasabi flavored gumballs and has amusing sushi chef graphics. And you can tell these gumballs are wasabi-rific by the chef's anger and raised cleaver. Because nothing says ""please share in the pleasure of my gumballs"" like a raised cleaver. Wasabi! For nutritional information, click here."
Polluted Toxic Waste Glasses
Unless you're ingesting only pure rainwater and distilled pure grain alcohol, you're ingesting poison. That's right, Mandrake. Just like the global communist conspiracy, anything you drink will infiltrate and corrupt from within. That's why we're strong believers in total commitment. As long as you're going to drink poison, you may as well make sure your drinking vessel of choice makes it look the part. Sure, we all have hard jobs - Ice-cream Fluoridation Administrator, Director of Survival Mineshafts, Nuclear Rodeo Cowboy - but at the end of the day, we could all use a drink, amirite? So grab your highball, and pour yourself a nice tall glass of something tasty. Oh, and if you can make it green and slightly radioactive, even better. These glasses look the part, alright. Each set of two glasses look like little 55 gallon drums except they're just twelve ounces, and they're made of borosilicate glass. Still, with the nuclear hazard logo etched in the side, and filled with some sort of green luminescent liquid on-the-rocks, they're guaranteed to be the hit of the party.
Ominous Visitor Shower Curtain
Driving through the countryside is a tradition in America. The open road is freedom, and pointing your nose to the horizon and going where destiny takes you can be an exhilarating experience. But when a long day of driving is done, visitors passing through Anytown, USA, often stop at roadside motels for the night, with a promise of a warm bed, soft pillow and a clean shower. The innkeepers are often charming people - kind, attentive, ever watchful... there for your every need. You may not even know that they're there. Watching. Waiting. Sometimes with a knife. You know, in case you need to carve a roast or something... in the shower. Those innkeepers are almost scary in their ability to surprise you with their generous hospitality. To that end, this PVC shower curtain is sure to remind you of such travels, that time when the innkeeper surprised your girlfriend in the shower, and the horrible bloody aftermath.
Handmade Leather Wings with Harness
"You can pick up fairy wings at your local costume superstore. They're pastel and flimsy and made of lots of fibers not found in nature. And if that's your thing, then, hey, more power to you. But us, we were looking for something more substantial. So when we found these leather wings, individually handmade by an artisan in Seattle, we knew we had to have them. They have a flexible wire frame that runs down the ""fingers,"" which makes them shapeable so your dragon or bat form can be uniquely yours. They're built on a sturdy leather harness with five different buckles, and they ain't going anywhere you don't want them. Just remember to take your wingspan into account before walking through doorframes or you could accidentally throw yourself at the floor (and miss, hopefully). Handmade Leather Wings with Harness Constructed of genuine leather. Built on a wire frame to allow for a certain degree of shaping. Wings themselves have two small buckles with 7 adjustment points each; they adjust from 29"" to 32 1/2"" wide. Both 1"" wide shoulder straps have 22 adjustment points each; they adjust from 19 1/2"" to 31"" long. Chest strap has 9 adjustment points; it adjusts from 11"" to 15"" wide. Chest strap can be fastened above or below breasts. Folks with wider shoulders and torsos will want to fasten it above. Folks with smaller frames will probably want to fasten it below to ensure it is snug. Dimensions: approx. 30"" wide x 22" high"
USB Squirming Tentacle by ThinkGeek
Back in the day, the coolest thing ever was the USB Humping Dog. What did it do? You stuck it in your USB port and it... well, it humped your computer, much like an amorous male dog is wont to do. We're beyond such juvenile humor (on most days), but we wanted a fun toy to use at the office. Show your love for Cthulhu (or just octopuses or kraken) with the USB Squirming Tentacle. Simply plug it into your USB port and it will fill your computer with unspeakable evils... Brought to you by ThinkGeek.
Bleeding Skull Candle
We've been to our share of Halloween parties, horror movie watching parties, and horror roleplaying games. We know scary. We love scary. Most skull candles we've found have been more kitschy than scary. The Bleeding Skull Candle? It's something worthy of being the centerpiece at our Halloween feast or mood lighting for our Call of Cthulhu game. At first, you'll just have a normal skull candle. Place it on a heat-resistant plate, because in a while, you'll need it! Light up the Bleeding Skull Candle and begin your night of mayhem and horror. As it burns, bright red wax will ooze from its eye sockets and down its face, pooling ever so deliciously on the plate. (See why you needed it?) The longer it bleeds, the creepier and bloodier it gets, making it perfect for those nights when you keep turning the dial up, up, up on the scare factor. Product Specifications Spooky skull candle bleeds as it burns Perfect centerpiece for your Halloween feast (or anytime!) On the outside, it looks like a normal skull candle! On the inside, it's full of red wax, which bleeds out the eye holes in a most creepy way (how else can one bleed out the eye holes?) The longer the candle burns, the more "blood" pours out Dimensions: 4" x 3.5" x 4.5" Important Candle Safety Notes: Remove all packaging before lighting. Place on a protected, heat-resistant plate, away from anything that can catch fire, and out of reach of children and pets. Keep wick trimmed to 1/8” at all times. If smoking occurs, blow candle out. Trim wick, remove trimmings, and relight. Keep the wax pool free of wick trimmings, matches, or any combustible material. Keep the wick centered. Avoid burning in draft. Never leave a burning candle unattended. Keep it within sight at all times. Keep all matches and lighters out of the reach of children.
Canned Unicorn Meat by ThinkGeek
Excellent source of sparkles! Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don't know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days... Brought to you by ThinkGeek.
"Nobody was quite sure what caused it. An alien pathogen riding the tail of Halley's Comet? Some government ""rage"" virus? Radiation from a downed satellite? Your guess is as good as ours, but one thing's for sure - the dead are rising, and they are hungry for your brains. It's a post-zombie world, and if we want to live in it, we have to learn to live with them. Everybody walks around with large caliber weapons, swords, and cricket bats now, but every now and again you see the so-called ""domesticated"" zombies. These de-toothed and chained shamblers are useful for all sorts of tasks - from carrying your groceries to scaring off those nasty neighborhood kids. Now, of course it's illegal to sell reanimated corpses, so we've had to rely on resin facsimiles to stand in for a frightening visage of death. Watching over your garden is a monstrous shambler, pale, vile and seemingly hungry! Of course, you know better! He's just a terrifying statue! From mid-torso up, he ""rises"" out of your freshly tilled and mulched begonias ready to devour the brains of the next interloper he comes across. Guaranteed to scare away any trespasser, without the headaches of accidentally releasing a real zombie. All those complications, bodies, and police forms - who needs the hassle? Your fresh resin Garden Zombie comes packed in three pieces, and assembles in seconds!"
Horror Movie Shower Curtain & Bath Mat
You are sound asleep when suddenly a piercing noise jolts you out of bed. You slowly slink to the bathroom and flip on the lights. Your eyes are assaulted with the goriest of sights - a shower curtain smeared with bloody hand prints and a bath mat stained with bloody footprints. Your heart is now racing; there's no way you're going back to sleep now. Which is perfect because the piercing noise was your alarm clock, the gory sight was your new Horror Movie Shower Curtain & Bath Mat, you're now fully awake, and it's time to get ready for work. Of course the Horror Movie Shower Curtain & Bath Mat are completely practical - you can use them to keep the water in your shower and rub your toesies on when you are done. But that's not why you want them. You want them for the thrill, for the little jolt down your spine every time you turn on the lights. But even that's not the real reason you want them. You want a Horror Movie Shower Curtain & Bath Mat so that your mom will just shake her head and wonder what she did wrong when she sees them on her next visit. And if she doesn't - if she doesn't think anything is wrong and just goes to clean up the "blood" on your Horror Movie Shower Curtain & Bath Mat as if she's done it before - well then that's really scary.