A study led by Nottingham Trend University last year showed the average person checks their phone 85 times a day. While this figure came as a surprise to participants (aged 18-33) who believed they checked their phone much less, it’s likely those on a mission to “stalk”- think crushes, frenemies, colleagues, or even old school pals- check them way, way, more.
Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram are useful for getting a glimpse into a person’s daily life but as we all know, the pictures, videos, status updates, and links shared on those platforms are usually part of a carefully curated image we’d like others to correlate with us.
This makes Facebook the perfect spy's accomplice; with the majority of one’s close (and not-so-close) social circles linked to their profile, Mark Zuckerberg has basically given us permission to get up all in someone's private business.
Reckon you may be getting in too deep with your FB stalking? Here are 6 signs you’re a bonafide addict...
1) You take every possible opportunity to check said person’s FB profile for updates be it in bed, at work, under the table in a meeting, on your cigarette/coffee break, while your out, while you’re in, and of course, on the loo. Public and private spheres make no difference to you.
2) You’ve started seeing someone and they’ve nonchalantly accepted your friend request. You play it cool in person (and when you text) but the moment you get the chance, you scour through their uploaded/tagged photos from present day all the way back to 2007 to find out what their exes look like.
3) You get word that Big Sarah from school “got hot.” Whether or not you were the sympathetic PE partner or the b*tch from hell, you want to reconnect (i.e. ride on the back of Sarah’s makeover success). Prior to reaching out however, you bide your time and spend each waking minute researching what she’s been up to over the years and seeing which old flames or classmates she’s been socialising with lately.
4) You’ve just had an interview for the job of your dreams and found out you share a mutual friend with the hiring manager on FB...which means that thanks to your lax privacy settings, they may have seen what you REALLY got up to last weekend. Banging your head against the wall as you adjust who’s able to view your tagged photos, you later spend your evening scrolling through ALL of their FB pics in the hope they too share a passion for playing strip Twister.
5) You’re back home for the holidays and single AF. Your Tinder matches are showing a horrifying number of matches with dozens of mutual connections and just to double check they’re in no way, shape, or form in regular contact with anyone who saw you projectile vomit at your BFF’s Sweet Sixteen, you spend hours trying to guess their last name so you can find them on FB.
You know you’re in deep.
6) You can’t eat (you wish), you can’t sleep (your own fault), and if anyone were to discover the true extent of your FB stalking madness, they’d call you out for being obsessive. Your fear of being discovered manically FB stalking heavily outweighs the dreaded FOMO so you’ve developed a flawless facade to convince everyone around you that you’re like, super chill.
Photo Credit: Tumblr
Video Credit: Funny Or Die
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