The Baby Owner's Manual
The birth of your child - what a miracle! But then you bring the little creature home and you realize that you have no idea what to do with it. "Why didn't this thing come with an instruction manual?" you cry out in vain. You try moving it up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right...but where are the B and A buttons? Why is it screaming? How do you get it to stop? And what, oh all that is holy, is that horrid smell? STOP!!! Take a deep breath...